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Almost every single person has struggled with low confidence at one time or another in their life. For some, it may have been a short-term situation, but for many of us, we have suffered from low self confidence for a great part of our life. What I would like to share today is some strategies for how to rebuild self confidence.
DISCLAIMER: This article is by no means to tell you that your confidence should come from yourself and not from God. It’s actually a reminder that God created you and your confidence should be in Him. When you experience low self confidence it’s telling God that you don’t accept the way He created you. You are telling God that the way He created you was wrong.
What is Self-Confidence?
Self confidence is the way you view and value yourself. It is the opinion of what you feel and believe about yourself. This could relate to your strengths, talents, gifts, and even your way of thinking. It is your attitude about how you view your abilities and skills. You may have either a healthy or unhealthy level of self confidence.
Healthy self confidence is when you accept and trust yourself. You are very self-aware, you understand what your strengths and weaknesses are, and you have an overall positive view of yourself. You move towards goals in a manner of trusting yourself enough to know you will achieve (or not) achieve them.
You demand a certain level of respect from others and know how to set boundaries when necessary. Having self confidence also allows you to handle criticism from others, but also able to distinguish when someone is correcting you because they have your best interest in mind.
Those who deal with low self confidence tend to operate from a place of self-doubt, and self-criticism, are highly passive, and may also find it difficult to trust others. They often feel less-than, inferior, and beneath others. They may also be more sensitive to criticism and correction.
Self confidence may affect your whole self, or it could be dependent on the situation you are in. You may feel very confident about your athletic abilities, but lack confidence when it comes to academics.
What Determines Your Confidence?
Your level of self confidence could come from a variety of factors such as your family environment, school experience, peers, adults in your life, and even media and social media.
Those who deal with low self confidence were more likely exposed to unsupportive or critical environments or families. One example is having a parent(s) who always put you down, talked negatively to you, or was always calling you some sort of name.
They may also have inherited the way that their parents spoke about their own selves. As a little girl, I often heard my mom and her friends talk poorly about their physical appearances.
It seemed like no matter which friend it was, they were always putting themselves down for one reason or another. Because that was the dialogue I was hearing from women I loved and looked up to, that became my dialogue and perception of my physical self.
It may have been negative dialogue about yourself that was never corrected so that dialogue was allowed to continue.
I don’t know the full root of where my low self confidence stemmed from. I believe some of it was from hearing my parents sometimes talk negatively about their selves. I also believe some of it was because my parents, although they did the best they could, didn’t help us to embrace who we were as individuals.
I do not blame my parents and do not hold it against them. They truly did the best they could and they were always there for my siblings and me. I definitely don’t want this to be shaming my parents in any way. I love my parents and am so grateful for them, and we children knew we were wanted and loved by them.
Impact of Low Self-Confidence
Low self confidence can impact so many areas of your life, such as how you make decisions, your emotional and mental health, your physical health, your relationships, and even the career you choose.
You may be more easily swayed by others’ opinions about yourself or situations because you are not confident in your thoughts. You may also feel less sure of your abilities and allow doubt to consume you. There may also be feelings of being unlovable and unworthy.
When you operate from a place of low confidence, it can manifest itself in different ways. This list is not all-inclusive and is not a professional diagnosis. If you deal with low self confidence you may:
- Believe that you are not as good as other people
- Focus on your weaknesses and ignore and put down your strengths
- Believe all of the negative thoughts that come into your mind, thinking that is the truth of who you are
- Have trouble expressing your own needs
- Be consumed with worry, fear, failure, and/or self-doubt
- Look at life through a negative lens
- Experience trouble accepting positive feedback, even from those you trust
- Have trouble saying no to others, even to the detriment of yourself, and setting boundaries
- Always put the needs of others before the needs of yourself
- Find your worth in others, even if those relationships are toxic
How to Rebuild Self Confidence
Now that we have looked at what low self confidence is and how it may negatively impact your life, I want to share some strategies for how to rebuild self confidence.
The first thing you have to do is acknowledge that you may be experiencing low self confidence. It is in the acknowledgment that you are now aware there is an issue and you want to make an actual change.
You need to become aware of what the negative thoughts are that you are dealing with. Spend time reflecting and identifying the thoughts that are creating the low self confidence.
Once you have identified that you are dealing with low self confidence, go to God and surrender this to Him. Know that you alone do not have the strength to work through every piece of the process by yourself.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Spending time with God will allow you to lean on Him, use His strength, and will also give you insight into the root cause of where this thinking stems from.
After you have surrendered this to God, it is time to get to know the real you. The person that God created before you were even in your mother’s womb. Spend time getting to know what God says about you.
Also spend time learning your strengths, gifts, and character traits. Knowing your authentic self will allow you to move forward with new knowledge of who you are.
When you find yourself dealing with negative thinking, start challenging and replacing those negative thoughts with positive ones. Be prepared for those situations that come up, because they will, by having a plan in place before you encounter those times of negative thinking.
Use affirmations to remind yourself who you are, making sure to speak them out loud. Affirm the truth of who you are and who God says you are. Write out your affirmations by hand or phone so you can access them easily whenever needed.
Here are some great notebooks and pens to use if you like to manually write stuff down.
Start accepting the truth about yourself, and embrace who you truly are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and God created you because He wanted you.
It is time to accept that you were born for a purpose. There is something in you the world needs, but it has to be the real you.
Make a decision to accept every part of who you are, regardless of how you currently feel about yourself. As you become more aware and accepting of who you authentically are, the easier it will be to accept and fall in love with the real you.
Forgive yourself for any negative thoughts or decisions that happened in your past. Give yourself some grace and compassion and allow yourself to move forward in freedom and no longer be held captive by past mistakes.
Celebrate who you are as a unique individual! You are an amazing person and it’s time for you to finally accept that and celebrate all of the amazing things about yourself. There is no one else like you and that is what makes you so special!
If you were just like everyone else, there wouldn’t be much need for you. Since you are not like everyone else that is cause for celebration.
Remember, you are enough! God created you perfectly in His eyes and you are created in His Image and Likeness. There is nothing missing and nothing lacking with you. It’s time to embrace your genuine self and know that you are exactly who you should be.
If you need professional support for working through this process, you might consider online therapy.
Thanks so much for the advice. I really needed this today.
Another wonderful article from this site that helped me start a positive day. Thank you for sharing your insights!
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Hearing parents talk poorly about themselves is something I think so many of us do without even realizing it. I was always in good shape as a parent and now that I am a Mimi (grandma), my body has changed. There have been several times I hear my granddaughter saying, “Mimi, you are not fat, you are beautiful!” While this warms my heart to the very core, it has helped me to realize that what I am saying is affecting my grandchildren. Self confidence is so very important in kids and all family members need to be a part of this important aspect in raising children!
I definitely agree that we often do it without realizing it. It wasn’t until about 3 years ago that I got the revelation about how hearing my mom and her friends words impacted me.
Love this! I have also written about how to build self confidence on my site https://joyamongchaos.com. I also believe our Faith has much to do with it.
That’s awesome, I definitely am going to check it out!
These are all very sound suggestions. I am glad you chose this topic to write about. So many people struggle with this, and I know my past self would have found something like this very helpful. Love your blog!
Thank you so much!
I like how you’ve mentioned social media here as I feel it’s something that can unfortunately have a big impact on people’s self confidence. I love the actionable steps you’ve offered too, a really lovely and thoughtful read x
Thank you! Social Media definitely had a hold on me for awhile but I had to learn to see beyond the filters.
Love this blog post so many great actionable ways to approach building one’s confidence.
Thank you so much!
This makes for the perfect self care activity I can do once a week or so when I need a change of pace! I’m all about mental health and building self confidence goes hand in hand with that! Thank you so much for sharing!