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So often we read about strategies for self-love but you may be wondering why should I love myself. Does it matter if I love myself? Isn’t it considered selfish if I love myself?
The truth is that when you are intentional about loving yourself, you are more likely to live a happier, more fulfilling life and most likely be surrounded by healthy relationships.
Have you ever heard the quote, “Hurt People hurt people”? What this quote is saying is that if you are living a life of hurt, you are more likely to hurt those around you.
Often people who have been hurt don’t want others to look down on them, so they deflect their own hurt feelings onto others. This may be their defense mechanism to prevent further hurt to themselves.
Growing up I used to hate myself, and that self-hate caused me to treat others very poorly. I would find fault in others and make it a big deal. If I’m being honest, I was a bully in school.
I was a bully in an incognito way. I never directly bullied a person. What I did was even worse. I would speak about that person in such a way to others that they would turn away from them.
When I look back on how I used to act, I am so ashamed for causing hurt to so many people. I have prayed for each of them individually and asked for forgiveness. I have vowed never to do that to another person again.
As I walked through my journey of self-love (and continue to walk as it’s a journey that never ends), I started to realize that the healthier I became, the healthier I started treating others. I no longer was putting others down or calling them names behind their back.
I started to realize that every human being has experienced some level of trauma in their life and I started to be a lot more sympathetic towards others. I also began to realize that when I walked around with a victim mentality, that was the kind of person that I was attracting to me.
As I started healing and learning how to love myself, I started to attract healthy-minded people into my life.
Why Should I Love Myself?
We should love ourselves because self-love is a way to love others. When we take care of ourselves, we are in better shape to take care of others. When we have a healthier view of ourselves, we start treating others in a healthier manner.
We also operate best when we are walking in the fullness of who God created us to be. If I start embracing all of the amazing things about me, that joy will pour out onto others and hopefully motivate them to want better for themselves.
It’s Ok to Be Selfish
So often, we are taught from childhood to be selfless and that we always have to be giving to others. This sounds great in theory, but what happens when you have nothing left to give? I’m not saying that we need to give up being selfless. What I’m saying is that we have to be selfish sometimes.
One way that you need to be selfish is by figuring out who you are. I am permitting you right now to stop listening to what everyone else has to say about you and look inward. Take as much time as you need to spend with yourself so you can truly discover who you are.
Turn off all other voices around you. This includes the voice of your parents, your spouse, your employer, your mentor, and even your best friends. They may see different things in you, but they are not the ones who created you.
You must turn your thoughts to the one who created you, God, to discover who you are. Ask Him questions about yourself and listen to what He has to say. Spend time reading His Word and you will see all sorts of descriptions of who you are.
As you start to discover (or rediscover) yourself, the dreams and desires you had as a young child are going to start coming back to your remembrance. When we are children we live life freely in our minds because we haven’t experienced much of the pushback from life yet.
“He called a little child and set him before them, and said, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, unless you repent [that is, change your inner self—your old way of thinking, live changed lives] and become like children [trusting, humble, and forgiving], you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”Matthew 18:2-4 (AMP)
You Are Worth It
You may be reading this and still pondering the question, “Why Should I Love Myself?” The truth is that you are worth it! I don’t know if anyone has told you that before, but I am telling you right now – YOU ARE WORTH IT!
You have permission to ignore any person who is telling you otherwise because they are telling you a lie. It’s time to recognize that anything contrary to what God says about you is a lie and you no longer have to receive it as truth.
God created you fearfully and wonderfully and His desire is for you to see yourself the way He sees you. There is nothing missing or lacking in you. You just may not have discovered your greatness yet.
My hope for you is that you make the decision to fall in love with yourself and that you start seeing yourself through God’s lens and not the lens of any other person (including the lies you think about yourself).
If you need professional support for working through this process, you might consider online therapy.
Check out these other articles to help you along your self-love journey.
Related Post: The 20 Best Strategies For How To Love Yourself
Related Post: How to Journal for Self Love and Why You Should Start
If you have any questions or would like additional information, please leave a comment below.
I love this post! On my blog I heavily encourage self care and learning to love yourself for who you are; both good, bad and ugly. Which was a little difficult at first when I was diagnosed with cross contamination OCD in the summer of 2020. But I’m happy to report I’m slowly but surely getting there!
It’s definitely a journey, but so worth it!
What a great message about the importance of loving yourself.
Thank you! It was a lesson that took me a long time to learn.
Self-love is something I wish would have practiced in my younger years. However, I’m grateful to have learned how important it is and as you stated loving ourselves helps us love others. Great post!
I understand! It took me way too many years to learn about loving myself.
Such a great article. Thank you for sharing.
You’re welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks for sharing this post – I really enjoyed reading it! It’s great advice to love yourself first. And I love that it’s okay to be selfish!
Thank you, I definitely had to learn that lesson but am so glad I did.
Great article! Thank you for sharing about how lack of self-love cause you to treat others badly. I think we all have different ways of coping with our insecurities, but unless we choose to finally love ourselves it always results in only hurting ourselves and others. Thanks for sharing your story and inspiring others to remember we’re worth it to love ourselves!
You’re welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed the article.